The following message (subject: Re: grieving in silence) was posted by Susan, on 12/31/2004 9:25:44 PM.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Tricia, and for how alone you are in your grief.

My family is a little odd in that they also do not like to talk about my sister much, or grieve publicly. I am the only one who cried openly at our Christmas Eve gathering; I didn't cry the whole time, but I didn't hide it when I was crying.

I think of my sister and talk of her together, and the others act startled when I mention her name. She is in my mind and I remember her all the time, so I just talk about her.

I "break the rules" of my family and talk or cry when I feel like it. I think it is very normal, and they are the ones who are strange and not really dealing with her loss, just denying it. I am fortunate to at least have one sister who will talk about our sister we lost, but her life is such a mess, we don't get to talk much.

I am glad that you have your counselor and husband. It's important to have someone you can open up with. And, maybe you could try to talk about your brother with other family members sometimes, even if only to remember happy memories and times you all shared.

Susan