The following message (subject: grieving in silence) was posted by tricia, on 12/31/2004 12:05:24 PM.

My brother drown 16 months ago. My in-laws, whom I thought I was close to for the past 30 yrs, never acknolwedged his death, my loss or my parents' loss (they live in the same town). I do not talk of my brother on the rare occasion I am with them.

My mother is religious but does not allow herself or anyone else to cry ("He died a good death", "He is home, now", etc.) I do not talk to my mom about my brother- I bristle when I hear these cliches.

My dad has never showed his feelings- & isn't about to now (I am 45 yr old- He told me he loved me a month ago- the 1st time in as long as I can remember). I do not talk to him about my brother.

Another brother was so distraught, that he expressed suicidal thoughts for almost a year after the accident- I don't talk to him about Chris.

My brother's wife (different brother), shared that she thought it odd & sad that when the family is together, we don't talk about our brother... as if he didn't exist, or we din't love him. Her observation was accurate, she was with my brother when he died, she loves this family... and she's right. I scream alone- and after 16 months of keeping silent so as not to further hurt others, I don't know how to talk about my brother; I only know how to miss him.

So sad, besides my husband- who understands my loss, I only have my counselor to share my feelings with... until the insurance runs out...

Sorry- just venting/ feeling sad today. Thaks for reading this.

tricia