The following message (subject: Ricky) was posted by Heather, on 12/30/2004 3:08:01 PM.

This is my first time to write. I have been reading your kind words to each other for sometime. I have cried with you. To know that there are people who actually understand (so many people say they do, but I feel they say that just to shut you up) is a great comfort. I had my little brother taken from me in November of 2003. He is the most beautiful person I will ever know. The emptiness I feel from his loss is so overwhelming that it is hard to breathe. Everyone asks me if I fear death since it so real to me now-I don't fear death. I fear living the rest of my life without my dear Ricky. He is my best friend and knowing I will never again see his sweet face or hear his voice drives me to the point of madness. Ricky was the passenger in a car involved in a head on collision. The driver was one of his best friends-he walked away with only a limp. The driver of the other car was also killed and I remember her family all of the time. People have a tendancy to tell me that accidents happen everyday. While I know that's true, the events that took place after the accident are what fuels my anger and frustatration. His "best friend" is under police investigation due to the reasons behind the accident. He told the police, hospital, friends, everyone that my brother was the one driving. Ricky had to be cut from te passenger seat!!! It is in every police report that way. He betrayed my little brother when he couldn't even defend himself. That sheer lack of respect for my brother pisses me off to no end. Some best friend!!! My will for revenge has grown stronger as the year has gone by. I have not shared this with anyone-I don't think they would understand! Thank you for listening. The more I think about it the more upset I get. I just feel lost in this world without him.

Scared of living,
Heather